托福一對(duì)一直播網(wǎng)課

　　喬布斯( Steve Jobs， 上圖，蘋果公司已故總裁與聯(lián)合創(chuàng)始人) 去考托福，那么會(huì)發(fā)生什么呢，喬布斯又能得多少分呢?( 此處是假設(shè)，因?yàn)閷?shí)際上他不用考托福， 他是美國公民，因此他只需要考SAT，至于他SAT考了多少分嗎，有興趣的同學(xué)可以自行搜索)，你覺得他的寫作能拿滿分30分嗎?

　　我們來看一道機(jī)經(jīng)題，下面是一道托?？荚嚨莫?dú)立寫作題，限30分鐘之內(nèi)寫300詞以上：

　　Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

　　Failure is the mother of success.

　　上過Sam老師課的同學(xué)很快就能判斷出來這是一個(gè)含抽象名詞的現(xiàn)象證明類題目，那么這道題如果給Steve Jobs，他會(huì)怎么答呢?最好的答案莫過于他2005 年在Stanford畢業(yè)典禮上的演講稿了。那么我們就來分析一下他這篇舉世聞名的演講稿的第二部分Love&Loss:

　　I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

　　幸運(yùn)的是，我在很小的時(shí)候就發(fā)現(xiàn)自己喜歡做什么。我在 20 歲時(shí)和沃茲(Woz，蘋果公司創(chuàng)始人之一)在我父母的車庫里辦起了蘋果公司。我們干得很賣力，十年后，蘋果公司就從車庫里我們兩個(gè)人發(fā)展成為一個(gè)擁有 20 億元資產(chǎn)、4,000 名員工的大企業(yè)。那時(shí)，我們剛剛推出了我們最好的產(chǎn)品─ Macintosh 電腦─那是在第 9 年，我剛滿 30 歲?？珊髞恚冶唤夤土?。你怎么會(huì)被自己辦的公司解雇呢?是這樣，隨著蘋果公司越做越大，我們聘了一位我認(rèn)為非常有才華的人與我一道管理公司。在開始的一年多里，一切都很順利?？墒?，隨后我倆對(duì)公司前景的看法開始出現(xiàn)分歧，最后我倆反目了。這時(shí)，董事會(huì)站在了他那一邊，所以在 30 歲那年，我離開了公司，而且這件事鬧得滿城風(fēng)雨。我成年后的整個(gè)生活重心都沒有了，這使我心力交瘁。

　　I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

　　一連幾個(gè)月，我真的不知道應(yīng)該怎么辦。我感到自己給老一代的創(chuàng)業(yè)者丟了臉─因?yàn)槲胰拥袅私坏阶约菏掷锏慕恿Π?。我去見了戴維帕卡德(David Packard，惠普公司創(chuàng)始人之一)和鮑勃;諾伊斯(Bob Noyce，英特爾公司創(chuàng)建者之一)，想為把事情搞得這么糟糕說聲道歉。這次失敗弄得沸沸揚(yáng)揚(yáng)的，我甚至想過逃離硅谷。但是，漸漸地，我開始有了一個(gè)想法─我仍然熱愛我過去做的一切。在蘋果公司發(fā)生的這些風(fēng)波絲毫沒有改變這一點(diǎn)。我雖然被拒之門外，但我仍然深愛我的事業(yè)。于是，我決定從頭開始。

　　I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

　　雖然當(dāng)時(shí)我并沒有意識(shí)到，但事實(shí)證明，被蘋果公司炒魷魚是我一生中碰到的最好的事情。盡管前景未卜，但從頭開始的輕松感取代了保持成功的沉重感。這使我進(jìn)入了一生中最富有創(chuàng)造力的時(shí)期之一。

　　During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the world’s first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

　　在此后的五年里，我開了一家名叫 NeXT 的公司和一家叫皮克斯的公司，我還愛上一位了不起的女人，后來娶了她。皮克斯公司推出了世界上第一部用電腦制作的動(dòng)畫片《玩具總動(dòng)員》(Toy Story)，它現(xiàn)在是全球最成功的動(dòng)畫制作室。世道輪回，蘋果公司買下 NeXT 后，我又回到了蘋果公司，我們?cè)?NeXT 公司開發(fā)的技術(shù)成了蘋果公司這次重新崛起的核心。我和勞倫娜(Laurene)也建立了美滿的家庭。

　　I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

　　我確信，如果不是被蘋果公司解雇，這一切決不可能發(fā)生。這是一劑苦藥，可我認(rèn)為苦藥利于病。有時(shí)生活會(huì)當(dāng)頭給你一棒，但不要灰心。我堅(jiān)信讓我一往無前的唯一力量就是我熱愛我所做的一切。所以，一定得知道自己喜歡什么，選擇愛人時(shí)如此，選擇工作時(shí)同樣如此。工作將是生活中的一大部分，讓自己真正滿意的唯一辦法，是做自己認(rèn)為是有意義的工作;做有意義的工作的唯一辦法，是熱愛自己的工作。你們?nèi)绻€沒有發(fā)現(xiàn)自己喜歡什么，那就不斷地去尋找，不要急于做出決定。就像一切要憑著感覺去做的事情一樣，一旦找到了自己喜歡的事，感覺就會(huì)告訴你。就像任何一種美妙的東西，歷久彌新。所以說，要不斷地尋找，直到找到自己喜歡的東西。不要半途而廢。

　　看完了這篇蕩氣回腸的獨(dú)立寫作response，讓我們來分析一下喬幫主到底答得怎么樣。

　　喬布斯在語言上親切，直接，簡(jiǎn)單，優(yōu)雅，一如蘋果的產(chǎn)品一般。

　　他的演講主體運(yùn)用了“ 三分法”，給學(xué)生講了三個(gè)故事，而這三個(gè)故事對(duì)應(yīng)他人生的不同階段：從出生到大學(xué)輟學(xué)階段;從創(chuàng)立蘋果公司、 被蘋果公司解雇到重回蘋果公司階段;身患癌癥以及面對(duì)死亡的階段。

　　上文選自其中第二個(gè)故事，即他被蘋果公司解雇給他事業(yè)帶來的意想不到的正面影響。 很顯然，Jobs對(duì)于Failure is the mother of success.這個(gè)論題毫不猶豫地站在了Agree的立場(chǎng)上了。

　　按照托福官方獨(dú)立寫作的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，對(duì)于喬布斯的這篇文章，可以做如下評(píng)價(jià)：

　　首先，緊扣主題&結(jié)構(gòu)清晰： 結(jié)構(gòu)完整——共五段

　　首段扣題： 自述失敗經(jīng)歷(事例法開頭)——被蘋果解雇;

　　第二至第四段：講述失敗如何帶來成功;

　　末段總結(jié)主題，給出建議：不要放棄，要找到自己心愛的事業(yè)并為之奮斗;

　　其次，例證充分：字?jǐn)?shù)充足(600 詞);以自身為例，例子詳細(xì)生動(dòng)，邏輯合理，充滿感情;

　　然后，語言自然，詞匯恰當(dāng)(例如vision，diverge，renaissance等)，且句型多變(如祈使句、虛擬語氣等)。

　　那么，如果諸位是rater的話，喬布斯的這篇文章你會(huì)打多少分呢?